To be a SAHM (Stay at Home Mum)? I don't think so.

If there is ever one thing that has me worried, it's the maternity leave. For a long time, I thought of shortening my maternity leave to go back to work for I am not sure if I can face my little one the whole day. Many times, when I mention this, most people will look at me in shock with the expression "I can't believe she even thought of this" etched on their faces. They will then try to dissuade me and tell me that I will have a lot of things to do. I stubbornly persisted in my thinking and declared "I'm a workaholic! My mind is so active! I will need distractions than just facing the baby 24 hours a day!!" Newly-become mothers also told of how tiring they are but needed distractions as well because they felt bored by the 2nd month!

Then I started reading up about child development. Oh my... I didn't realise that it's best to stay home to be with your kid the whole day if you really want to fully develop and bond with him/her. The more I read, the more fear I felt. All books kept talking about the first three years of the baby's life and how it is possible to rear a Harvard student by then.

 Questions kept appearing in my mind. Do I really have to stay home to look after the kid all the time? How about my job satisfaction, self-confidence and my eagerness to return to society instead  of being totally cut off from the rest of the world? How about the income!!! (Come to think about it, I don't think I can ever be a SAHM!) Furthermore, even if I wish to, circumstances don not allow me to just up and leave. EEEEKS!!!!


Even as more mothers enter the working force, some people still believe that a "good mother" should be one who gives up his/her job just to stay home to look after the kid. I am not sure if I really subscribe to this mentality. My mom has always been a working mom and I don't think my siblings and I turn out too badly. Sure we have our struggles and fights but I don't think we derive pleasure in being rebellious. Strangely, I observed how some of the kids of SAHM have turn rebellious towards their parents instead? Is it their teaching methods or .....

Now, don't get me wrong, I sincerely applaud those who sacrifice their jobs to look after the kids from aged 0 months to 7 or 8 years old.  This is especially important for the children especially where growth development is extremely vital for later years. But when we are SAHM and we do not have the proper tools and knowledge on how to treat a child well... is it going to backfire on us instead?

SAHMs also need to constantly update themselves about the tools and education in how to educate the child the best way they can. If, let's say, we end up constantly harping on discipline and focus more on making sure that the house is clean than their development... isn't it going to be back to square 1? By then, we will be so used to the methods and mindsets on how to bring up our children and these effects cannot be seen until much later. By then, no one will put it down to child development. Most people, as they view statistics, will end up asking, "But this guy/girl come from a complete home! What is his or her problem?"  I have seen children coming from broken homes and turning out all right. Mainly because while they do not have a complete family, they have other close relatives who made sure that the child turns out well if firm care and discipline.

But how can we do so if we never realise it as and when our children are changing? When these children start going to school, they will be exposed to other things. If a SAHM only talks about the children, her life revolves around the children, still adopting the same methods and mindsets in treating the children and never expose herself to other things in the world; won't it be detrimental to her growth as a whole person as well? What will you talk to your other half as well? I seriously doubt talking day and night about the children only will make for an interesting conversation in the long run.

As these children grow up, we have to admit that we may need to use different approaches and mindsets to educate them. But if we don't update ourselves, we will be stuck in a past while everything else moves forward without them. We will always be stuck in our growth (and that, to me, is a nightmare). Of course, it's a very different story if the SAHM has her own home based business as she will have to expose herself to various skills as well and this will no doubt increase her confidence.

So if anyone asks me if I want to be a SAHM, maybe, if circumstances permit, only for first few years. If I set up my own business and I am happy with what I am doing.  Other than that, no thank you.