Should You Give Up Your Priority Seat?

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If you have read this letter entitled "A rude form of kindness", (http://www.todayonline.com/Voices/EDC101123-0000035/A-rude-form-of-kindness), what will your reaction be? Will you be shocked? Will you just dismiss it away with a nonchalant wave of hand? Or will you mumble under your breadth as "these pregnant women think everyone owes them just because they are pregnant..." I can tell you what happened that day. I saw everything. In fact, I experienced it personally.

What Happened That Day
It was really a normal day as I headed towards Tao Payoh Sports Stadium to attend a carnival. I wasn't dressed in anything fanciful. Just a dri-fit t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I took the bus 238 from Tao Payoh Interchange that day. There were not many people... all seats were taken up with only 3 people standing. One of them were carrying a baby. As a 7-8 months pregnant woman, I had thought I should be able to sit at the priority seat as I am pretty sure - the sign stated so.

What the Driver Did
I was supposed to alight at the second stop. Never did I realise that such a short bus trip can be so eventful. Between the first and second bus stop, the bus driver - a young guy with bleached gold hair and wearing reflective shades - stopped the bus. He then turned around and stared at the 4 of us and started to shout loudly for one of us to get up. He kept gesturing and I am sure, with all my years as a human being, the gesture did not look too friendly either.

I was the Chosen One
At that point, there were two other middle-aged women with no obvious physical disabilities (let's not argue about if they have heart disease or whatsoever) and an old lady sitting at the seat. He kept gesturing aggressively and saying "YOU! YES  YOU SHOULD GET UP AND GIVE YOUR SEAT TO THE LADY WITH THE CHILD!". This was repeated several times and as I stared at him, it began to dawn on my thick head that he was actually talking to me!

Frankly speaking, I was shocked. In my mind, I was thinking that here I am 7-8 months and obviously pregnant and I am not supposed to sit at that designated area? It was obvious to everyone that he was not going to start driving until I gave up my seat. Some of you may ask, "Why didn't you just tell him that you are pregnant?". Well, firstly I was in such a state of shock cause in my pregnant state, information was not travelling as fast as it should be. Secondly, I did not want to cause a scene and decided that actions should speak louder than words. Who knows if someone is filming all these and to upload into Stomp or Youtube?

What Happened Next
I stood up and by then, an extremely awkward silence followed. He has realised, in my full pregnant glory, that I was deserving of the priority seat. Without a single word, he turned back and started to continue on his route. Other commuters whom were watching remained rooted to their seat and stayed silent. The lady who was carrying the toddler rushed to grab the seat that I had given up. The two middle-aged ladies in front of me smiled awkwardly and quickly looked onto the ground. And the old lady - who decided she have been left out of the action and must join in - started to ramble that I should stand because it was good for me and I should understand the pains of carrying a toddler. I was definitely as tempted as hell to ask her to change positions with me.

I have never felt so embarrassed and humiliated before in my life. Sure, people have told me I look young for my age and stuff but this is ridiculous! Just because I am the youngest one among the 4 doesn't mean I am less deserving! Some may argue that perhaps that driver did not notice that I was pregnant initially and had thought that I was probably some young punk trying to grab a seat. And no, at that point, I think it is extremely difficult for anyone who is unable to distinguish between obesity and pregnancy for me.

Now let me state what I am upset about - I fully understand his good intention but the way he handled it is rude and unprofessional. Furthermore, after noticing my tummy, he should have realised that I am pregnant and issued an apology. Yet no; he chose to keep quiet and drive as if he has done a great deed! Sheesh, maybe I should just give him sunflower or something. Furthermore, what were the rest of the commuters doing? Is it right to remain silent while watching this spectacle? What is the use of teaching Civics and Moral Education if this is what their behaviour is going to be?  I was really upset and disgusted at the whole incident. My husband was so furious that he wrote the letter to TodayOnline.

Interestingly, there are people who do believe otherwise. Here is one:

Ungracious? Commuters just tired

People do want to give up their seats but may be too drained to do so.
Thu, May 13, 2010
my paper
By Ms Eileen Lee Hwee Ling

I READ with interest the recent letters on the lack of graciousness on MRT trains in Singapore.
People tend to think that those who do not give up their seats are ungraciousness, forgetting that there may be another reason for such behaviour. The pace of life in Singapore is fast, and people here live a hectic lifestyle. The work environment is demanding, requiring employees to spend long hours at work daily, with little time left for family, not to mention time for rest. This could explain why many commuters rush into MRT trains for a seat. Many want to take a nap or rest during their train journeys. I believe many people do want to give up their seats but may be too drained to do so.

The following letter also serves to support my earlier statement about Singaporeans:

Priority seats take heat off those on regular seats

Some passengers believe that only commuters on priority seats have to give up their seats.
Tue, May 11, 2010
my paper
By Ms Angeline Ong
I REFER to the commentary, 'MRT priority seats a bad idea' (my paper, May 6).
Recently, I was in two priority- seat-related incidents, which happened when I was 2-months pregnant. On April 8, I boarded a train at Pioneer MRT station and sat on a priority seat, the only empty seat in the cabin. When the train reached Clementi MRT station, I heard an SMRT Service Ambassador shout: "Give way, a pregnant woman is coming in." I thought that he was telling the passengers around the door to make way for the woman. I was stunned when he grabbed my hand angrily and pulled me up from the seat, saying that the seat was not meant for me. The Service Ambassador could have spoken to me politely but he failed to treat me with respect. I did not expect such treatment from an SMRT employee, much less to be sneered at by a seated couple.

On April 10, I boarded a train at City Hall MRT station. I was both exhausted and having giddy spells.
Again, the only empty seat in the cabin was a priority seat and I took it. An old woman entered the train at Outram station. I wanted to give up my seat but I did not feel well. So, I asked a young woman beside me to give up her seat instead, explaining that I was pregnant. She did, but the old woman was unhappy. She scolded me, saying I should have given up my seat as it was the priority seat. I tried to explain that I was pregnant. However, the old woman might have been a little hard of hearing and kept grumbling.

Eventually, I gave up my seat to the old woman, and the young woman took back her regular seat.
Both incidents show that some passengers, including even those in need, believe that only commuters on priority seats have to give up their seats. But passengers on regular seats can also take the initiative to give up their seats to others. I now prefer to take a regular seat, because my belly has not started to show yet. Only when I am visibly pregnant can I take a priority seat without being subject to negative scrutiny. Priority seats are indeed a bad idea, and do not help Singaporeans become more gracious.

Now, the difference between her and I is that her tummy wasn't showing (not that she is less deserving of the seat) and people may have mistaken her intentions. Mine was almost like having a watermelon or two in the tummy and you still can't see it? Wow. How's that for selective blindness?

I read the comments to the letters and feel somewhat comforted. Yet I do realise that everyone can easily claim to be a hero behind the anonymous computer but I really do hope that at least; if one does view such a thing occurring - whether you are sitting at a regular seat or a priority seat - give up your seat if you want to do a good deed for the day.